So, what do you do for a living?

“I’m just going to say one word…plastics.  There’s a great future in plastics.” Quote from the movie, The Graduate

As any full time trader knows or as any new trader will soon discover, there will come a time when you will be asked what you do for a living.  I wish it were as easy as stating the word “plastics”, but it isn’t.   So, what should a full time trader say?  How should we describe what we do day in and day out in the most competitive market place in the world?  I may have the key to this perplexing question.  Before giving it away, let’s take a look at various times when I tried to explain what I do (all true stories, well close enough).

Scene 1:

Location: Ski chair lift at 10am on a normal weekday

Conversation:

• Stranger: “So, are you on holiday or do you work on the mountain?”
• Me: “No, I’m a trader.”  After seeing a blank look, I respond: “I trade the markets…the stock market”
• Stranger: “Oh.  So, you are like Kramer from the show Seinfeld?  No one knows what he does.  Now that I think about it, I don’t think he did anything.”
• Me: “It’s something like that.”

Learning takeaway: None

Scene 2:

Location: Immigration Officer when entering the US

Conversation:

• Officer: “What do you do for a living?”
• Me: “I’m a trader.  An options trader / derivatives trader to be specific.”
• Officer: “Options Trader?  Derivatives?”  He said in a disapproving tone while typing into his computer.
• Me: Trying to stick up for my fellow traders, “It can actually be less risky to trade options than going with a mutual fund.”
• Officer: “Hmm…sounds like gambling to me.  Good luck and welcome home.”

Learning takeaway: None, but no glove.  So, that was positive.

Scene 3:

Location: Rotary club

Conversation:

• Fellow Rotary Member who is an Investment Advisor at a large bank: “So, John, what do you do for a living?”
• Me: Sensing that I had finally found someone who would truly get it, “I’m a trader. I trade the markets especially the options market.  I used to sell premium on high liquid underlyings with high implied volatility, but I now prefer to utilize an unique butterfly strategy on the RUT.”
• Bank Rep: Blank look

Learning takeaway: Don’t use an Investment Advisor

Scene 4:

Location: Christmas party

Conversation:

• Uncle Bob: “Johnny Boy, how’s the market? Got any hot tips!?”
• Me: “Uncle Bob, to be honest, a drunk dart throwing monkey could pick stocks better than me.”
• Uncle Bob: Disappointed look
• Me: “I make money when the market trades in a range.”
• Uncle Bob: Disappointed look
• Me: “Buy apple.”
• Uncle Bob: Happy look

Learning takeaway: Keep Uncle Bob away from the egg nog.

Scene 5:

Location: High school reunion

Conversation:

• The gist from several conversations with some old classmates who became CFAs, CPAs and MBAs: “John, what do you do for a living?”
• Me: “I trade options.”
• The common reaction: “You wild man! That’s some scary stuff.  Nice!”
• Me: Grinning ear to ear, “Well, yeah. That’s me!”

Learning takeaway:  Milk it when you can!

Scene 6:

Location: My kid’s 2^nd grade class

Conversation:

• Teacher: “Class let’s welcome Emma’s dad, Mr. Wilson. Wilson will talk a little about what he does for a living.”
• Me: “Hi class. I’m really excited to be here.  What do I do for a living?  Well, I’m a trader.  That means I like to buy and sell things in the stock market.  I try to buy low and sell high.”
• Class: Blank look
• Teacher: Getting a little anxious
• Emma: With a look of “oh brother, not again.”
• Me: “Well, I…I don’t have to stare at my computer all day since I have a cool strategy that allows me to go and ski when I please.”
• Class: Eyes start to widen and a look of excitement sets in.
• One kid: “You can ski all day whenever you want! Emma, your dad is awesome!”
• Me: “Well, kind of like that” Then deciding to go with it. “Yeah, that’s right.  You see being a trader is a good thing to be.  You can set your own schedule and do what you want to do.”
• Teacher: Skeptical look.

Learning takeaway: Always emphasize the positives.  Your kid will thank you for it.

Scene 7:

Location: Mother-in-law

The gist of our conversation in my best French as possible:

• Mother-in-law: “John, I hear you changed professions.  What is it you do again?”
• Me: “I’m like a stock broker, but I trade our family money.  I play the markets so to speak.”
• Mother-in-law: With a look of oh dear, my poor daughter: “So, you are a gambler?”
• Me: “No, no.  I’m a strategic investor.  By doing this I have more time to spend with your daughter and the kids.”
• Mother-in-law: Looking more relaxed, “So, you can visit us more often?”
• Me: “Quoi?”

Learning takeaway: Be careful with the positives.

So, after all that, what have I learned as being a trader?  No one really knows what we do or at least can relate to it.  I guess that’s worth living with versus saying I work in the plastics industry.  On another note, I wonder what ever happened to Mrs. Robinson?

Written and contributed by John Wilson